I didn't care.Shit. Jenny must be right. I am a closed book. So if that's the problem, the obvious solution is let myself open up. To get beyond the simple expedient of being 'the boyfriend' and allowing them to see the real me, which is terrifying to contemplate.Why was that such a scary thought? Fear of rejection? Well, I should be used to that by now. Except, I always took comfort in the idea that they weren't really rejecting me, because they didn't really know the 'real' me. They were rejecting my version of 'the boyfriend'.I was slowly realizing, that playing the boyfriend was a dead end, had always been a dead end, and if I ever wanted something like long-term happiness I'd have to be honest with them and myself. I'd have to learn how to be myself, which was a weird thought. I wonder if I could practice somehow. Maybe go out to bars and see what it felt like to 'be myself', I guess.Ugh.Not long after I found out about masturbation, and then the internet, I discovered stories. Why don’t you shower, I’ll make dinner.”“Jude. I said I would team with you three and I will.” Showering sounded good.I didn’t blame Jude for worrying. I would have in her position.Sunday morning, we met Kyle’s nephew Carl and Lucrecia, his fiancée. Carl was a younger version of Kyle, with a large frame, red hair, oft-broken nose, friendly disposition and a ready smile. His Weapon was a ball-headed, one-handed mace with a silvered steel shaft.Lucrecia, was a tall woman, a hair over six feet, with dark mocha skin, broad shoulders, a modest waist and bust, and strong hips with a pleasantly-rounded ass. Her Weapon was an ugly looking, blood-red bladed whip. They met their freshman year at Northwestern while taking the same schedule. Both planned on getting a degree in physical therapy at my alma mater.She was leery of the sizes and ages of the girls, I believed from the narrowing of her eyes on first meeting my teammates. That Kate had Level 2 in Healing went far in convincing the woman.
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